Breathing Lessons

When my oldest son, Brendan, was close to death after being in a head-on automobile collision in 1993, I didn't know how I was going to cope with the situation. Would he survive? Would he live but be crippled, brain damaged, or blind? I'd already started the process of getting early intervention for my 3 year old son who was autistic. How could I care for two children with special needs?

The first night after Brendan's accident, I tossed and turned in bed, sleepless all night. The sound of my husband's deep breathing in his sleep irritated me. It upset me that he could sleep while our son was barely clinging to life. Then, I had an epiphany! I likened my husband's steady breathing to Brendan's rhythmic breathing on the respirator. Every breath comforted me with the thought that Brendan was all right at that one moment. I wouldn't waste my time and energy worrying about what might happen in the future or about what could go wrong. I would concentrate on all of us being okay in the present moment. That focus gave me the strength to do what I needed to do to get my family through the crisis. It helped me not to worry about things over which I have no control. I still have to remind myself of my "breathing lessons" when during anxious times.