Just a Good Ol' Boy

I'm finally getting around to posting a photo of my beloved cat Mulder. He's kind of a "dirtbag" (but I love him). Wherever there is dirt...like in my flower pots, he wants to lie in it.

A few months ago we lost his mate Scully. She decided to warm herself in the undercarriage of my husband's car after he had taken it out for an early morning drive. Later, he had to go to work and didn't realize that Scully was hitching a ride underneath the car. When he stopped at a stoplight about a mile from our home, Scully ran out into heavy traffic. She seemed all right, but my husband only saw her for a moment and then she disappeared. We were hoping that she would find her way back home, but there's been no sign of her so far. Mulder missed Scully so much that he wouldn't eat for weeks. He's got his appetite back now, but he needs a lot of TLC. I can't walk for tripping over him trying to rub against my legs. When I try to pull weeds in the garden, he thinks it's a game and bats at my hands with his paws. He's very accomodating....so I don't have to bend down to pet his head and neck, he stands on his hind legs and puts his front legs on my thigh. If I'm wearing anything other than jeans, he gets a little antsy and brings out the claws. When I'm wearing shorts and he claws my bare skin, I get a little antsy!

Girls Will Be Girls - Part II

Those of us campers who weren't desperately seeking males were desperately seeking a flush toilet. The campground had several of those foul smelling open pit "outhouses." We even tried every restroom to see if there were any that smelled less putrid than the others. They all reeked.

One of our adult chaperones, Eva, traveled in style. She had a large travel trailer where she was happy to let us older girls hang out, provided we didn't make it necessary to empty the holding tank....if you know what I mean. She couldn't spare a flush. Just like manna from heaven, the good Lord provided a way for us to take care of our needs. We were sitting around in the trailer, talking girl talk when a park ranger popped his head in the doorway. He said he bet we were talking about boys. We were, but we weren't going to admit it to him. He said if we listened to his morality lecture, he would show us where the only flush toilet in the campground was. We were all ears....and aching bladders. He explained that he was a junior high school teacher in California during the school year and a forest ranger in the summer. He told us cautionary tales about how California girls were "easy." We thought the guy was a total cornball, bordering on being a pervert, but we so wanted to hear that sweet sound of rushing water of a flush. True to his word, he did show us a tiny building in a remote part of the campground that housed a single flush toilet. We didn't do any mean pranks on the younger girls, but we sure didn't let them know where our favorite toilet was.

One highlight of camp week was the Friday night skits. My friends and I decided that we would do a parody of the popular gameshow, "The Newlywed Game." We really didn't do any kind of a script. We just decided what kind of personalities we would have and improv from there. My friend Mad and I can egg each other on with silliness and get quite outrageous. We decided to be a couple much like Ma and Pa Kettle. Mad was a brassy, bossy, loud and large woman like Ma and I was a wimpy, clueless, simpering little man like Pa. One of the questions was about the wife's favorite nickname for her husband. Mad blurted out that she called me "Ploop" and said it like she was calling a pig. We got rolling from there and got even raunchier than the real Newlywed Game. No one dared stop us....everyone was falling off their logs laughing, especially the chaperones. I have to say that was one of our finest performances.

Girls Will Be Girls - Part I

Continuing with the girls camp theme....when I was 15, old enough to be a camp counselor, our church youth leaders decided that we girls should rough it and camp out in tents at a public campground in the mountains overlooking beautiful Bear Lake. Cool nights on the mountain and warm days on the beach at the lake - camp week was fantastic! All us older girls were getting along great until a couple of teenage boys were sighted in the campground. Mrs. Marshall, one of our chaperones, went marching over to their campsite to make it clear to them there would be no fraternizing with us girls. She had her knickers in a knot until she discovered that she knew one of the boys...he was the son of a friend of her great-auntie or something. So....the guys weren't exactly off limits anymore. Keep in mind that these two guys would have never gotten a second glance from any of us, at any other place, at any other time. One was a flabby boy named Claire and his friend had a glass eye. Nevertheless, they were enjoying getting quite a bit of attention from some of the girls.

Once we got to the beach and Claire & his friend showed up in a motorboat with waterskis, the flirting got fierce and ruthless. Joan was a volupuous blonde with a sensuous way of rubbing on suntan lotion. It was something like the carwash scene in the movie "Coolhand Luke". She lathered herself up into a frenzy. Not to be outdone, Cheerleader Eileen broke into an exuberant series of cartwheels, round-offs, and splits there in the beach. Why someone would want to slam their suimsuit clad crotch into hot sand is beyond me, but that was her modus operandi whenever she sensed any testosterone in the air. Then there was Irene with her perfect sky-high teased hair with her sultry long bangs hanging over one eye. Joanne was a bubbly blonde who got the giggles alot when she was around boys. Fawn was shy as a doe, but she had beautiful waist length brunette hair. Then there was tall, cool blonde Michelle. She could get guys, even older guys, without even looking at them. Me? I was a late bloomer who had a body like Twiggy (Calista Flockhart if you're not familiar with Twiggy) and no gymastic skills. I was just an amused spectator, along with the other Not Ready For Prime Time Players. Those of us not involved in the competition had bets going on which 2 girls would be invited aboard the Love Boat. Who would you guess? It turned out to be Joan and Irene. Later Joan confessed that she was sorely disappointed in the voyage and she embarrassed herself by how she couldn't get it up.....I'm talking about her waterskiing!.

The Legend of Tin Man's Cave

The power of suggestion can be terrifying. Just the mention of Camp Atoka makes me shudder in fear. I think it should have been more appropriately named Camp de Sade. I don't know where the adult chaperones were....I can only remember that the 16 year old counselors terrorized us 13 and 14 year olds 24 hours a day for a week. Rumors of honey and saran wrap on the toilets made us afraid to use the toilets. Those who fell asleep early were at risk for having shoe polish or toothpaste smeared on their faces. Anyone foolish enough to play strip poker in the bunkhouse at night would find themself thrown out in the middle of the room and spotlighted with flashlights if they lost all their clothing.

Hands down....still the most terrifying camp activity was the night hike up to Tin Man's Cave. We all had to hike up a steep mountain trail at night with just flashlights to light the way. The desination was an outcropping of boulders dubbed Tin Man's Cave. The cave was just a crevice between the rocks. One of the counselors told us about a sheep herder who lived in the area. Once his life was happy. As his herd grew, his wealth grew. He had a pretty girlfriend in town and they were looking forward to marriage in the spring. One winter night, he couldn't keep the hungry wolves at bay and they attacked him. The ravenous wolves tore off his arms and legs. Somehow he stopped the bleeding and attached a series of empty tin cans to his arms and legs so he could stumble into town for help. At the sight of her beloved, now a "tin man", his fiance ran from him screaming. A rejected and bitter man, he retreated back to a cave in the mountains, nursing an everlasting hatred for all young women. Okay....the story is totally implausible, but when you're out there in the dark with a bunch of hysterical girls......imaginations run wild. On the way back down the mountain, we heard the clattering of cans against the rocky trail. That started a stampede. The sounds got closer and closer. Girls were literally busting their butts trying to get down the trail- tripping, falling, crawling, screaming. The counselors were loving it!! They had strung together tin cans on strings and had been throwing them down the trail to make it sound like the Tin Man was after us.

The next night, we met around the campfire to tell sing Kum-By-Ya and then the counselors started on the ghost stories. Someone said they saw a man standing in the shadows. We all screamed and jumped towards the fire. Smart? No! We were lucky that no one got burnt. The front row of girls got pushed into the ashes on the hands and knees.

Church camp....good clean fun? Not!